"Previous generations considered perinatal loss a taboo subject, but people have become increasingly open to talking about it."
Every Life Is Precious
by Sharlee DiMenichi
April 1, 2023
Attenders of a Quaker memorial meeting gather in silence to recall the connections and contributions of a departed Friend. Those so moved speak out of the silence to share personal stories of the person commemorated. Such memories can comfort the loved ones left behind.
When a family suffers a miscarriage or stillbirth, meeting members do not have stories of the departed to share. To support individuals and families coping with perinatal loss, Friends can adapt the usual ways of caring for the bereaved.
Consulting with Friends mourning a miscarriage or other infant loss to listen to their experience and ask what kind of support they need are the first steps in pastoral care, according to Nancy Johnston, of Lehigh Valley (Pa.) Meeting. Friends wishing to comfort someone who has suffered a perinatal loss should avoid well-meant but unhelpful comments, such as saying the expectant parent is young and can try again or that God “needed another angel,” Johnston cautioned. Instead, comforters can say how sorry they are for the loss and even admit that they have no words to adequately express their sympathy.
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